Meet Charlotte’s Most Eligible Bachelors

Woman Is Expecting Two, but Not Twins

By LAUREN COX
ABC News Medical Unit
Sept. 24, 2009

A pregnant woman in Arkansas surprised doctors twice over when she went in for a routine ultrasound this June.

Doctors successfully located Todd and Julia Grovenburg’s growing baby girl Jillian, but then discovered another smaller baby — what could be Jillian’s younger brother — growing beside her.

The Grovenburgs may have conceived their son Hudson a full two-and-a-half weeks after Jillian, according to statements given to KFSM-TV in Ft. Smith-Fayetteville, Ark.

Different from identical twins or fraternal twins, the Grovenburg babies would have separate due dates and are considered to be a rare medical occurrence.

“When the woman had her ultrasound initially, they saw one sack, one baby developing, and that baby had a certain gestational age; then they noticed a second heartbeat in a child that was much, much younger developmentally,” Dr. Karen Boyle of the Greater Baltimore Medical Center, told ABC News’ “Good Morning America Health.”

Boyle said it’s uncommon for fetuses to differ so widely in size and development early in pregnancy, even though babies may differ widely in size at birth.

“It does really sound like this is a true case of different conception times for these children,” said Boyle.

Reports of superfetation, or conceiving while pregnant, are so rare that Boyle said, “There is no prevalence or incidence in the literature. I could only find about 10 reported cases.”

Grovenburg’s obstetrician, Dr. Michel Muylaert, confirmed to KFSM-TV that the Grovenburgs may be dealing with the extraordinarily rare case of superfetation.

“Mrs. Julia Grovenburg is pregnant with twins and there appears to be a discordant growth pattern, possibly due to superfetation,” Dr. Muylaert wrote in a letter to KFSM-TV.

“This is an unusual and rare condition, but the possibility is real. It can only be confirmed after delivery by chromosomal and metabolic studies on the babies. She was evaluated at UAMS in Little Rock for this condition and they confirmed the suspicion of superfetation,” he continued.

Could Superfetation Happen More Often?

Yet, while superfetation is rarely documented, Dr. Donnica Moore said it may be impossible to tell if this happens more often — but with a shorter time period between conceptions.

“For these sorts of cases, I have to say, most of our bodies don’t read the textbook,” said Moore, an obstetrician and president of New Jersey’s Sapphire Women’s Health Group.

“I would say [it's] extremely rare, but then again, we would never know how often this happens. If the children are born at the same time — it might be that they were conceived at different times.”

Depending on the time between the two conceptions, Boyle said superfetation could be dangerous for the younger baby, who could be born prematurely.

“It [the second conception] can happen up to 24 days later than the first conception, and then you’re putting the second baby at risk for lung development problems,” said Boyle.

However, in the Grovenburg’s case, Boyle said the difference of two weeks would not put the younger baby at much of a risk for health problems.

“The interesting thing in this case is if these children were actually born on their due dates, the older child would be born at the end of 2009, and the younger child would be born in the beginning of 2010,” said Boyle

Do You Want To Look “Flawless”? Flawless MakeUp Art Launches Membership Program

CHARLOTTE, NC-July 27, 2009- For some women, applying make up can be a tiresome chore; however, with a new Flawless MakeUp Art Membership, ladies all across Charlotte can treat themselves to affordable luxury. Created by Joy Randall, proprietor of Flawless MakeUp Art, this membership awards a variety of image conscious women—professionals, socialites and fashionistas alike, the convenience and exclusivity of having their own personal make up artist and beauty consultant at their disposal. 

For an annual fee of $150.00, members will receive the following: monthly member only events, makeovers, seasonal beauty consultations, personal make-up shopping, discounts and specials from affiliate companies, free samples, special birthday gifts and more.   Whether you need a full makeover for a special event, a big date or a girls’ night out, this is the perfect program for any budget. 

The membership program officially launches Sunday, August 2, 2009 in conjunction with the grand opening of the Flawless MakeUp Studio located at 516 E. 15^th Street in Charlotte, NC. Attendees will enjoy complimentary hors d’oeuvres and wine from 12:00 p.m.-6:00 p.m. while touring the studio.  The space also houses YM Designs, a photography and graphic design studio and Loc’d Natural Hair Design, making the new studio a true “one-stop shop.”  Those interested in purchasing a membership will have the opportunity to complete an application during the grand opening festivities. 

For complete details about the Flawless MakeUp Art Membership program or the RSVP for the grand opening celebration, call 704.975.9526 or email flawlessmakeupart@gmail.com.

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About Flawless MakeUp Art

Joy Randall is the Owner and Sole Proprietor of Flawless MakeUp Art. She is an experienced and published Make-Up Artiste’ as well as a licensed cosmetologist wardrobe stylist with more than six years of professional experience.  Joy currently resides in Charlotte, NC and specializes in Body Art, Commercial, Editorial, Fantasy, Film, Glamour, Runway and Print work. www.flawlessmakeupartgroup.com / www.modelmayhem.com/joy360degrees

What the F@#&…Swearing is good for you?

By Kia O. Moore

Shawn eagerly places the key in the front door and turns the knob. He cannot wait to get inside to put on some comfortable clothes, curl up in the bed and release some stress by checking the stats on ESPN. As he is kicking off his shoes he hears a low moan. Shawn walks to the bedroom door and the moaning is now accompanied by a repeated squeaking sound. He swings open the door to find wife getting it on with the Stanley Steamer man. What are the first words you think he will say?

I am sure we all can agree that it would NOT sound like this, “Sweetie…please tell the young man to get off of your naked body.”

According to research found at the Keele University School of Psychology, located in Britain, the most satisfying reaction that would lessen the pain of seeing his wife cheating would sound like this:

“B**CH!!!!Who is this MOTHER F**KER with his GOT D*MN dick all up in my SH*T?!!!!”

Shawn’s next reaction would probably be to beat the guy down.

Research found that there is an unexplained link between swearing and fight-or-flight response. Swearing seems to initiate the fight-or-flight response which accelerates the heart rate, fills the body with adrenaline, and increases aggression.

Shawn has no fear of getting hit back. If he swears through the whole fighting process, the hits he will endure won’t hurt as much. Research found that swearing suppresses weak behavior and builds up the more pain-tolerant machismo within.

Dr. Richard Stephens and his colleagues, John Atkins and Andrew Kingston hypothesized that swearing would actually decrease the individual’s tolerance of pain.

To test their hypothesis, they used 64 undergraduate volunteers. Each person was asked to submerge their hand in a tub of ice water. They were told to keep their hands in the water as long as possible while repeating their favorite curse word. In the next test, the participants were asked to put their hands back in the ice water, but now they had to use a more socially acceptable word which they would use describe a table. Dr. Stephens and his research team was surprised that the participants who repeated the swear word kept their hand submerged in the ice water longer. They believe that the accelerated heart rates of the volunteers repeating the swear word may indicate an increase in aggression.

So the next time you feel the urge to swear, go ahead, especially if you are about to experience some form of physical pain or plan to inflect some.  Just make sure you are in the appropriate setting and with the appropriate people.

Patrick Cannon Files For City Council At Large

WHO: Patrick Cannon

WHAT: Filing for Charlotte City Council At-Large

WHEN: Monday, July 13, 2009 at 12:30 p.m.

WHERE: Board of Elections (741 Kenilworth Avenue, suite 202, Charlotte)

BACKGROUND:

Cannon previously served for 12 years on the Charlotte City Council, including four years as mayor pro tem.  He began his political career as the District 3 representative before being elected to an at-large position.

“We’re at a pivotal time where proven leadership is needed to continue our progress while ensuring we are fiscally responsible.  I’m honored to once again offer my ideas and proven leadership to the Charlotte community,” says Cannon.

During his tenure, Cannon compiled an impressive list of accomplishments including:

• creating a Homicide Taskforce to work to reduce such-high level crimes;
• approving a $32 million bond referendum for neighborhood improvements;
• opening the first Joblink Career Center to provide basic job and work skills training to Charlotte residents; and
• advocating for street bonds to provide proper road infrastructure.

Additional information about Cannon’s leadership, accomplishments and focus areas may be found by visiting www.patrickdcannon.com.

Why Do We Men Handle The Breakup So Callously?

After reading Kim Miles’ posting about Men, Women, and the Ability to Move On, I started reflecting on some of the relationships that I walked out on. I don’t consider myself one of the good ones; I know I am. And yet, I know I’ve emotionlessly moved on without looking back, regardless if it hurt or not.

Why?

One of the first things to cross my mind is how men and women see the breakup from two completely different perspectives. Men, well, we live in a world where we face a series of letdowns over and over. I’m a Redskins fan so for the past decade or so [has it really been since 1996 that we won our last Super Bowl?] I’ve had to put on my game face to stand tall in front my Giants and Patriots and even Cowboy fan friends. We men are extremely competitive and evolve into creatures who can take a loss with grace. We lose at Madden; we lose at not making more money than the next man; we lose at the clubs and bars when women seem to always have to go to the bathroom when we roll up.

In the process of all this losing, we almost get used to two simple facts. The first being that it is inevitable that you win some and you lose some. The second being that you will continue to lose if you don’t put it out of your mind.

 You can’t be at the free throw line with no time and two buckets to win and think about the first quarter missed layup. We develop an instant case of amnesia, not out of having no emotions, but because lingering tends to cloud our judgement moving forward. “Shake it off,” we’re always saying to each other.

This isn’t to say women don’t experience failures like men do. Women just handle them different. When we say “shake it off,” women listen to each other’s frustrations, they get emotional and empathetic with it, embrace the pain and try to make sense of it. If a woman doesn’t get a promotion, it’s about the supervisors not knowing what they’re missing. We just get back on our feet before the 10-count and go another round.

When a relationship comes to an end, I’ve never wanted to not be friends. I prefer to be friends. Especially if we started out as friends. No man wants a woman scorn running around putting him on blast. It doesn’t benefit us to seem to be so callous and indifferent when ending a relationship which seemed so heavenly on the outside.

The part that makes a man completely sever ties is the part that makes him feel guilty for not being That Man. It’s when we see an ex-flame and she hasn’t extinguished the fire. Somewhere in a conversation, the question pops up, “what happened to us?” Or when we run into mutual friends and they ask how’s such-and-such as if we’re still responsible for her happiness.

Not every woman does this, I know, but most woman think they don’t when they really do. It’s the comment about “remember when we went skiing in that log cabin?” or “how’s my favorite nephew?” or “tell your parents I said hi.” Innocent enough, on the outside, but it’s the same thing as saying, “remember when you missed those free throws at the buzzer?” or “have you gotten that raise yet?” or “did that girl ever call you back from the club?”

We don’t want to be reminded of our failures. We know we fail. Everyone knows we fail. It is in our best interest to stay away from all things that remind us of how we let someone down or didn’t live up to the billing. We don’t look through old photo albums reminiscing about past vacations with the ex. We don’t ask her friends how she’s doing [oh she's been crying for the past three weeks - you should call her...]. And we surely don’t want to be face-to-face and see that smile that was once reserved exclusively for us, reminding us of how we were supposed to be the one to co-star in the Hollywood Romance Story that everyone is supposed to be envious of.

I can see why a woman feels that a man is being cold-hearted about it. We men can’t understand why a woman would even want to indulge in the aftermath of a breakup. It’s not to say we can’t be friends, but we can only be friends once we’ve both accepted the “agree to disagree” about whether or not we should be together.

And I’m still trying to figure out why exes want to know the details of the next relationship. I mean, I know we’re “friends” now, but I don’t go around telling all the details to my other lady friends. Do you go around telling your other guy friends about your 23 positions in a one night stand?

In the same breath, though, I’ve been the one at the other end of the stick. I’ve had exes walk out on me and disappear in the wind. It sucks, I know. Every night you’re staring at the phone wondering if it’s disconnected because so-and-so hasn’t called. It’s not because so-and-so doesn’t care. It’s because so-and-so doesn’t care to be reminded of the utter failure.

I remember once when I called a wise woman [the great Mudiwa Mustafa] and was spilling my guts. No shame in it. I hurt. She asked me if I thought my ex was sitting somewhere in the dark thinking about me. “Of course not,” I responded. That’s all she really had to say. But then she said that my ex simply couldn’t handle the responsibility of making me happy. She [Mudiwa] said I simply invested too much of me into her [the ex].

It’s not fair. We men will walk, but it’s not because we don’t feel the pain or don’t care. It’s because we [well, some of us] have mastered the art of getting over any failure quickly enough so we don’t miss the next opportunity - be it a missed free throw or yet another breakup.

 You can’t be at the free throw line with no time and two buckets to win and think about the first quarter missed layup. We develop an instant case of amnesia, not out of having no emotions, but because lingering tends to cloud our judgement moving forward. “Shake it off,” we’re always saying to each other.

This isn’t to say women don’t experience failures like men do. Women just handle them different. When we say “shake it off,” women listen to each other’s frustrations, they get emotional and empathetic with it, embrace the pain and try to make sense of it. If a woman doesn’t get a promotion, it’s about the supervisors not knowing what they’re missing. We just get back on our feet before the 10-count and go another round.

When a relationship comes to an end, I’ve never wanted to not be friends. I prefer to be friends. Especially if we started out as friends. No man wants a woman scorn running around putting him on blast. It doesn’t benefit us to seem to be so callous and indifferent when ending a relationship which seemed so heavenly on the outside.

The part that makes a man completely sever ties is the part that makes him feel guilty for not being That Man. It’s when we see an ex-flame and she hasn’t extinguished the fire. Somewhere in a conversation, the question pops up, “what happened to us?” Or when we run into mutual friends and they ask how’s such-and-such as if we’re still responsible for her happiness.

Not every woman does this, I know, but most woman think they don’t when they really do. It’s the comment about “remember when we went skiing in that log cabin?” or “how’s my favorite nephew?” or “tell your parents I said hi.” Innocent enough, on the outside, but it’s the same thing as saying, “remember when you missed those free throws at the buzzer?” or “have you gotten that raise yet?” or “did that girl ever call you back from the club?”

We don’t want to be reminded of our failures. We know we fail. Everyone knows we fail. It is in our best interest to stay away from all things that remind us of how we let someone down or didn’t live up to the billing. We don’t look through old photo albums reminiscing about past vacations with the ex. We don’t ask her friends how she’s doing [oh she's been crying for the past three weeks - you should call her...]. And we surely don’t want to be face-to-face and see that smile that was once reserved exclusively for us, reminding us of how we were supposed to be the one to co-star in the Hollywood Romance Story that everyone is supposed to be envious of.

I can see why a woman feels that a man is being cold-hearted about it. We men can’t understand why a woman would even want to indulge in the aftermath of a breakup. It’s not to say we can’t be friends, but we can only be friends once we’ve both accepted the “agree to disagree” about whether or not we should be together.

And I’m still trying to figure out why exes want to know the details of the next relationship. I mean, I know we’re “friends” now, but I don’t go around telling all the details to my other lady friends. Do you go around telling your other guy friends about your 23 positions in a one night stand?

In the same breath, though, I’ve been the one at the other end of the stick. I’ve had exes walk out on me and disappear in the wind. It sucks, I know. Every night you’re staring at the phone wondering if it’s disconnected because so-and-so hasn’t called. It’s not because so-and-so doesn’t care. It’s because so-and-so doesn’t care to be reminded of the utter failure.

I remember once when I called a wise woman [the great Mudiwa Mustafa] and was spilling my guts. No shame in it. I hurt. She asked me if I thought my ex was sitting somewhere in the dark thinking about me. “Of course not,” I responded. That’s all she really had to say. But then she said that my ex simply couldn’t handle the responsibility of making me happy. She [Mudiwa] said I simply invested too much of me into her [the ex].

It’s not fair. We men will walk, but it’s not because we don’t feel the pain or don’t care. It’s because we [well, some of us] have mastered the art of getting over any failure quickly enough so we don’t miss the next opportunity - be it a missed free throw or yet another breakup.

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“YOUR WEEKLY TOP TEN” The ‘Notorious P.I.G.’ Edition

 

“THE TOP TEN MOST WANTED PIGS TO BLAME FOR THIS NASTY SWINE VIRUS”

(Week 14#)

Written and Illustrated by Lena Hopkins-Jackson

( suggested By John cuz’ great minds think alike!)

 

Now, I knoooow I’m not Mo’Nique…BUT I originally wasn’t going to touch this one this, all inside jokes aside! It seemed that cracking jokes about something as serious as a possible pandemic was about as funny as Mother’s Day in Senator’s John Edward’s house…Suddenly, PORK was America’s Most UN-wanted white meat!

I imagined all of my Muslims friends looking smugly as if to say ‘We told y’all so” ….or Burger King’s new slogan ” Have it your way,…I bet the Whopper looks REALLLLL good right about now,don’t it!”…and then my old partner John emailed me a suggestion, and as usual we were on the same page….Well, I don’t know if by next week, we’ll ALL be rockin’ that Micheal Jackson post surgery look BUT I figure it never hurts to laugh so until then… “Heeere’s Your Week-end Top Ten”

Enjoy and God Bless!

10. Pumba from “The Lion King”…….Yeah, being associated with Disney will make ANYONE’S image squeaky clean but I never bought his act! His PR people have gone out of their way to cover up that nasty bit o’ business that tied HIM to Mufasa’s murder and I‘m not even going to go there about his living arrangement with long time ’special’ friend Timon….Mhhhh-hmmmmm.

 9. “The Three Little Pigs”….. One of my favorite stories growing up as a child but that’s been many years ago, and those pigs are STILL there together…..and clearly up to something! NOBODY but special agent terrorists and ‘Losers’ live with their siblings for THAT long…… not to mention in a musty little,cramped,brick house with a dead wolf stuck in the chimney? C’mon now,…somethin’s up!

 8. “Wilbur” from “Charlotte’s Web”….. Awww, and we all thought Charlotte the spider and her magical web weaving skills saved Wilbur from a Thanksgiving platter, Nah, turns out they just didn’t like his smell…he reeked of fear and that just doesn’t mix well with cranberries, collards and yams.

 7.” Porky The Pig”…… Ah-buh-dee-buh-dee-buh-dee-buh-deeee, Th-th-th-thass right f-f-folks..Porky! Eh, I was ALWAYS suspicious of that fake stuttering Porky would resort to just to get the attention off of the vastly more talented Bugs and even crazy-@ss Daffy. Always complaining, always scared, flubbing his lines and blaming it on his ’so-called’ speech impediment…. classic passive aggressive personality… the signs are there people if you just read them!

 6.” Petunia” Porky’s girlfriend…….Every secret government agent HAS to have a sexy sidekick, his own personal ‘Gal Friday’ running thangs behind the scenes, don’t let the pigtails fool ya’………….Ya’ can’t trust a PIG butt and a smile! That pig is poison! Puh-puh-puh-puh-poison!

 5. “Piglet” From “Winnie The Poo”……I’m tellin’ you now….something just ain’t right about Piglet! Look at ‘em: His ears are waaay too floppy, he wears that striped, pink body suit EVERY frikkin’ day, and he’s NEVER with other piglets he ONLY hangs out with donkeys,tigers and bears and a human, mind you..…but never his own kind! Yep, somethin’ ain’t right….

 4. “The Bay of Pigs”…… Yeah, it’s that deep. No tellin’ what this virus mutated from…and how long! Besides y’all know the US government will do anything to get rid of Fidel Castro!

 3. “Hamm” from “Toy Story”…….He was the master mind behind the whole “Let’s-dump-Woody-for-Buzz Lightyear” coup a few years back when the first movie came out…..Hmmmm, need I say more?

 2. “Babe” from the movie “Babe”……. I never actually saw the movie because the commercial trailers alone annoyed me BUT I figured Babe needed an eye on him too. Ya’ can never be too safe….besides all that singing and dancing with barnyard animals off to slaughter ain’t natural!

 ..and THE “PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE” PIG TO BLAME FOR THIS NASTY SWINE VIRUS is…….
(drum role pleaze….) ….MISS PIGGY!!!
…Loud, vain, outspoken and clearly struggling with some serious anger management issues, I could easily see Miss Piggy creating nasty lies and spreading chaos around!……Oh, and speaking of “spreading it around”:…Rumor has it she wasn’t all that faithful to Kermit as she claimed to be! I heard she’s been with Fozzy Bear, ALL the “Pigs in Space”,whatever the hell Gonzo is … AND even the grumpy,old Muppet men in the balcony! (Ewww!)

 Yeah, I think we can nail down who we have to blame for this mess!

 

The P.I.G Mob

 Illustrated by Lena Hopkins-Jackson

“Cartoons & Caricatures”
By Lena “The Art Diva”
@ http://lenatheartdiva.com OR…http://missurbancarriebradshaw.blogspot.com/
*** All text and artwork represented here are the exclusive property of  Lena Hopkins-Jackson***

  

QUESTION: Do you think this virus was ACTUALLY created OR is that just another internet conspiracy theory floating around?…..Do Tell!

 

Your email:

 

Are We Old Yet?

“There is always some specific moment when we become aware that our youth is gone; but, years after, we know it was much later.”

      — Mignon McLaughlin

The other day [though it seems like every other day] I was asked when was I going to settle down. My response, as usual, was that I am settled down. Sure, I know what everyone means when they ask, but they’re only asking because I’m about to turn 35.

“Isn’t it time?”

I always found it quite insensate to “settle down” because it was time. Aren’t relationships built around two individuals developing chemistry and not by the hands of a clock? Emotions aren’t determined nor developed by how many days we’ve walked this planet. And there is no time limit to finding the one before they’re all gone.

It seems there’s a certain status quo of where we should be in life by certain birthdays. Forgive me for being so defiant. I used to have that feeling though. When I crossed into my 30s, I swear when I woke up the sky was green and the grass was blue. I didn’t panic, but I knew Father Time wasn’t waiting for me to get myself together, so I moved to Washington, DC, [where I've always wanted to live] on an impulse. Literally.

And suddenly everything reset itself. It’s as if I’m experiencing renewed lease on being young again. My chronological age isn’t slowing down, but my spirit, but curiosity, my desire to explore has all increased. We think we’re getting old, but we’re not. Orbits around the sun don’t determine our youthfulness; it’s all in our minds.

If we think we’re getting old at 30, wait until we hit 40! And still the 50-year-olds will be shaking their heads when we say we’re old, waiting for us to hit 50. Then the 60-year-olds are going to chuckle at us saying we’re old because we’re still a long ways away from social security and an AARP membership.

Mature, sure, but don’t get old. You may think you’re settling down but really, you just might be settling.

Meet the Creator of “Your Weekly Top Ten”

Lena Hopkins-Jackson (JB photo.jpg)

Welcome to the Mingleberry family Lena Hopkins-Jackson!

Mingleberry.com would like to welcome our new columnist Lena Hopkins-Jackson, known to many as Lena “The Art Diva.”  Lena is a self-proclaimed “Renaissance Woman.” She is a cartoonist, writer, spoken word artist, painter, and author.

She is the creator of the MingleBlog’s new column “Your Weekly Top Ten.” The column is a hilarious top ten list inspired by David Letterman, then add some cartoons and celebrity caricatures with a Mad Magazine  feel. Now give the whole idea a twist of SOUL and homegirl flava’and you have the recipe for “The Weekly Top Ten.” It is a fun comic strip and column, and Mingleberry.com is confident that you will enjoy the column as much as her Facebook follower do.

Check out her work at www.lenatheartdiva.com

“YOUR WEEKLY TOP TEN” (The Somali Pirate Edition)…..

By Lena Hopkins-Jackson 

TOP TEN SECRET WEAPONS TO TAKE OUT THE SOMALI PIRATES

(Week 12#) Written and Illustrated By Lena Hopkins-Jackson

10. “Iman”…Why not charm them with one of their own ! After all iconic, supermodel Iman was born and raised in Somalia,was a Somali ambassador to Saudi Arabia and Marion and speaks five languages including her native tongue..and if her beauty and charm won’t work ..well, she could always bore them to death with her movies “Exit to Eden and “House Party 2”…( they sure put me to sleep,zzzzzzzzz)

9. ”Mike Tyson”… I figure ‘Iron’ Mike ain’t doin’ nuthin’ these days( except possibly working on his new reality show like every other washed up celebrity). BUT he’s still a BEAST when it comes to fighting ..in or outside the ring! These Somali pirates wanna’ play dirty? I say we sic Tyson on em’! Just let him unleash all of that “crazier-than-a-sh@t-house-rat-fury” he’s been building up from recent years of being broke and ostracized, and in no time he’ll be chewing off ears, ripping appendages out of sockets,… Flawless Victory!
( Now if only we can exile him on a nearby island once he’s done, hmmm )

8. “WWE Wrestlers” … In keeping with the raw, brute strength strategy, if a boxing champ like Tyson won’t work out, we can ALWAYS go the other way with the WWE and put John Cena on them! Obviously “The Rock” is too Hollywood for the assignment and Hulk Hogan has hella’ marital drama right now , let John Cena put that “STFU” move on ‘em, and it’s a wrap!

7. “The Reverend Jesse Jackson”…Who better to negotiate hostile relations between the US and the rest of the world than Jesse? In 1990 the good reverend was the FIRST American to bring hostages out of Iraq and Kuwait ..besides I figure with his playa-hatin’ gangsta’ talk about cuttin’ off a certain presidential candidate’s balls…Jesse can take it there and “BRING IT BEEYOTCHES!”…if some crazy ‘ish’ pops off!

6. “The Flava of Love Girls”…If it’s booty these pirates want …booty they’ll get! “Make love not war” is what I say, so let’s send “The Flava of Love Girls” over there! They could be our best secret weapon yet, call ‘em “Weapons Of Mass SEDUCTION”! Between “Delishus”,”Hoops” and “Nu York” they will either drop it like it’s hot or annoy the sh@t out of them and they will go home out of sheer aggravation!

5. “The East Compton Bloods & Crips“… Somalia has gangstas, well the USA has it’s own original gangstas! I suggest recruiting and reuniting these two rival gangs to eliminate our problem in the seas….um, that is if we can stop them from taking each other out first!

4. “Oprah”…Why? Because she’s OPRAH d@mmit and she can do ANYTHING!!! After all: Oprah got HER presidential candidate elected, owns her own network, bought more houses for Katrina victims than “FEMA” and the “Red Cross” put together and everyone loves Oprah( even the haters) maybe she can offer to build an “African Leadership Academy” for girls in Somalia.. pirates have daughters too, right?

3. “Rachel Ray”… I know,WTH?…Yes, this may seem like a strange choice but check it: If there’s one thing Somalis never seem to have enough of is…FOOD! We can send “Little Miss Perky” over there to stuff them silly with all of her wonderful culinary concoctions! Shoot, they will be too tired with the “ITIS” to rob & plunder!

2. “The Watchmen”… Okaaay I know they don’t even EXIST outside of comic books and the movies, but just imagine “The Comedian” and “Rorschach” just breakin’ buck wild on dem’ fools…wow. Problem solved! ..AND they would do it just for the fun of it , after all “somebody has to save us from ourselves”, (wink!)

…and the number  1# TOP SECRET WEAPON TO TAKE OUT THE SOMALI PIRATES is…
(Drum Roll pleaze)
….. The AIG Executives and Bernie Madoff….If ANYBODY is a straight up, fo’ real pirate..It’s THESE guys, I mean they put the ‘rat’ in Pirate….’Nuff Said!

Thank you for reading!

Have any suggestions for SECRET weapons..HOLLA!

 SOMALI PIRATES & CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW
( From “Pirates Of The Caribbean”)..Savvy?